Two psalms

I long, achingly, reaching for You whom my soul loves
loves already.
In the seeking and the longing
deep calls to deep.
Deep, deeper, deepest.

Me, I’m hardly aware, but, deeply, I have found him whom my soul loves.
Finding? Seeking? Being found?
The seeking and the finding are one.
Hidden, throbbing, living deep within;
A Source.
Like water, sea….
Living, pounding, drowning;
carrying, cleansing, bearing, moving;
tossing and crashing, sparkling, flashing;
exciting – and always with salt.

Love and anger
Agony but also ecstasy
Deep peace and constant worry
Hope — always
Burning, searing, love
Searing, searching, purifying love.
O Lord, have mercy, sometimes.

It hurts so deeply, yet, I”m drawn so compellingly.
Is it me who makes it hurt so, or is it the only way?
My cross is inside me, in my head.
Do I hammer the nails in myself?
And glue them so you can’t take them out?
Is it you, Lord, taking me along this road? Painfully.
Holding my hand, but, drawing me on, so compellingly?

Burning, searing Love, burning me? Burning you?
Crucifying me? Crucifying you?
Or are they one and the same?

I love you Lord
Inadequately, saltily, but
And I cry to love you more and more, deeper and deeper.
Burning love. Ouch.